Is Fear Stopping You From Getting to Know the Real You?

When are we going to come out from behind the wall we have built.

Photo by ammar sabaa on Unsplash

The more I get older, the more I work on myself, the more I realise that I have spent most of my 30 years on this planet living as a person I don't know.

How do you not know who you are you might ask?

Excellent question!

After finally breaking down the wall and allowing my true self to emerge from behind it, I can see that I never really knew myself because I kept her hidden away in fear.

And like so many others out there, I held this fear for a couple of different reasons.

Judgement

I had a fear of what others would think of me, and even deeper than that, I had a fear of not being enough and not being seen by others.

I allowed this fear of judgement, not being enough and my fear of not being seen by others, to dictate my life and the choices I made.

It made decisions for me when I knew deep down they were the wrong decisions to make. I tried to live a life that would allow me to be seen, as for me, being seen was when I was made to feel good about myself and my accomplishments.

But living life just for the external approval of others and so they perceive you as ‘’successful’’ is a very miserable life indeed.

Protection

I had a fear of the real me. I built up a wall throughout my childhood, teenage years and early twenties and carefully placed the real me behind it.

She stayed behind that wall as a form of protection. Protection from the trauma.

But keeping her behind there for all those years resulted in her being the unknown. The real me became this scary place that I didn't know and wasn't sure if I ever wanted to know.

Curiosity

But as time went on and the healing began, the wall slowly came down brick by brick, and instead of fear, it was replaced with curiosity.

As I started to learn how to stop numbing myself from the pain and started to understand the why around my suffering I started to see parts of me that I hadn't seen in a very long time.

My creativity was one of them.

I was a really creative child. I loved to draw, read, write stories, and just daydream. But I grew older, grew colder, and started to put myself behind the wall of protection and my creativity disappeared.

For years I was very logical until I started healing, coming back into my body, being more grounded and balancing my energies. Slowly my creativity started to come back.

Seeing this creativity come to life again made me really curious.

What else is behind there that I don't know about?

This has opened up a world of self-discovery for me.

At 30 years of age, I can happily say that I know exactly what gives me energy, what motivates me, what drains me, what causes me to behave in certain ways, what triggers me, and what my life's purpose is. I am slowly but surely learning who I really am as a person.

I look around at the majority of people who are close to me who are older than me and they have no idea who they are and they are miserable.

How many others are out there suffering from mid-life crises but in reality, they have no idea who they are, and if they do, they are too afraid to be that person?

It hurts me to know that so many people live life allowing their trauma to control them without ever stopping and asking themselves questions….

Why am I behaving like this?

Who am I without the trauma?

Curiosity allows us to look within and try to understand why we made certain decisions or ended up on the path we did.

I have learned from this curiosity that the person that got me to where I am now, is not the person I need to bring me forward in life.

That person got me here as a form of survival and now it's time to leave that person behind and allow the inner child Corey, who stayed hidden for too long, to come out and flourish.

As the saying goes,

What got you here, won't get you there.

But you need to feel safe to get there.

Learning how to feel safe to be the real you is a journey in itself, but one that is so rewarding and in some ways feels like a rebirth.

I honestly believe if we don't drop the fear and be brave, it is something that will haunt us for the rest of our lives.

Life is short. Don't allow your life to go unlived. Don't let the story inside of you go untold.

It's time we started to get really curious about ourselves and stopped living a life out of fear. Fear of what your parents, friends, and partner will think and start to find out who you truly are and what you truly love to do.

Don't let your trauma and fear control your life and let the real you hide behind that wall

It's time we stopped being afraid of who we really are and time we started asking ourselves…..

‘’Who am I?’’

Corey ❤️